Round 1
- Carolina Panthers: Bryce Young, QB, Alabama
I know his playing weight is secretly 180 pounds and it makes me uncomfortable
- Houston Texans: CJ Stroud, QB, Ohio State
It’s lying season. Stroud is best qb in the draft after Bryce young and it’s very clear cut. No way they Trot out Davis Mills again and if you’re comfortable taking a QB in round 1, you should be comfortable taking him at 2 overall.
- Arizona Cardinals: Will Anderson, EDGE, Alabama
Kyler Murray the GM wants Paris Johnson here, but new HC (former eagles DC) Jonathan Gannondorf has other plans and is no stranger to denying Elves what they want.
- Indianapolis Colts: Will Levis, QB, Kentucky
Tough and American like a pair of Levi’s jeans
- Seattle Seahawks: Jalen Carter, DL, Georgia
Malik McDowell definitely left a sour taste in their mouth but they’re ready to get hurt again. Pete Carrol has built a culture that can hopefully Coach Carter him off of his Henry ruggs trajectory.
- Detroit Lions: Devon Witherspoon, CB, Illinois
Feisty little guy. Dan Campbell will love him.
- Las Vegas Raiders: Tyree Wilson, EDGE, Texas Tech
Raiders could take a QB but don’t think they let Tyree slip here
- Atlanta Falcons: Nolan Smith, EDGE, Georgia
He will never leave the state of Georgia. Perfectly built to play a Leo hybrid linebacker role like Bruce Irvin or Vic Beasley before him.
- Chicago Bears: Paris Johnson, OT, Ohio State
Oh you’re a Kanye fan? Then Who was in Paris?
- Philadelphia Eagles: Anthony Richardson, QB, Florida
*Titans Trade up one spot to take AR*
- Tennessee Titans: Bijan Robinson, RB, Texas
Eagles take Bijan at new pick 11
- Houston Texans: Jaxon Smith Njigba, WR, Ohio State
Jaxon smith who!?!
- Green Bay Packers: Michael Mayer, TE, Notre Dame
Safest player in the draft. Tall sexy and virtuous in his craft just like John Mayer. Notre dame guy too so has a good head on his shoulders and played in a pro style offense.
- New England Patriots: Broderick Jones, OT, Georgia
BB likes Georgia guys. Big Brod is thick and capable of starting at LT right away.
- New York Jets: Peter Skoronski, IOL, Northwestern
In 2020 the buccaneers acquired Tom Brady and were one offensive lineman away from a complete team. Wirfs somehow fell to them. Same thing happens here with Aaron Rodgers and gang green.
- Washington Commanders: Christian Gonzalez, CB, Oregon
Shocked he falls this far...lucky me. Both of his sisters are on the Colombian National track team, he’s tall and fast.
- Pittsburgh Steelers: Darnell Wright, OT, Tenn
Mike Tomlin kind of guy. Could be the best tackle in the draft. Voted senior bowl MVP and 4 year starter in the SEC. erased 3rd overall pick will Anderson.
- Detroit Lions: Myles Murphy, EDGE, Clemson
Odd pick here and James Houston is allegedly a 6th round steal but Murphy checks too many boxes to fall this far.
- Tampa Bay Buccaneers: Joey Porter Jr, CB, Penn State
Tampa is rebuilding and should do it on defense.
- Seattle Seahawks: Deonte Banks, CB, Maryland
Go terps. Pete Carrol goes back to his comfort place and rebuilds the legion of doom, drafting banks to play next to Tariq woolen giving Seattle 2 long tall corners. I would chew gum so furiously to this pick
- Los Angeles Chargers: Jordan Addison, WR, USC
This guy made Kenny Pickett a first round pick in 2021 and won Caleb Williams a Heismann in 2022. 175 pounds but Frederick county represent.
- Baltimore Ravens: Zay Flowers, WR, BC
With OBJ and Agholor in town and Bateman still on the roster, this is a luxury pick but we want Lamar to be happy and sign a long term deal and this is good deal-bait. Plus he’s the hardest playing receiver in this draft and is bust-proof in my eyes.
- Minnesota Vikings: Lukas Van Ness, EDGE, Iowa
I love this guy. Kirk Ferentz HC at Iowa has his rotation based on seniority, and as a redshirt softmore van ness didn’t get a full time starting role. Lucky for the Vikings because he would be a top 5 pick if he did. I love this guy.
- Jacksonville Jaguars: Dalton Kincaid, TE, Utah
Twitched up Zack Ertz who Doug pederson loved in Philly. Evan engram has played well but hasn’t been reliably healthy throughout the years, if Kincaid can stay healthy TLaw has a new second safety blanket.
- New York Giants: Quentin Johnston, WR, TCU
Like Brian billick says - you wanna build a basketball team at WR. Different body types. The giants have 5 slot receivers on their roster right now and need a big body. Johnston isn’t the best at creating separation and that’s what the giants wr severely lacked down the stretch but they get Daniel Jones a guy.
- Dallas Cowboys: Mazi Smith, DL, Michigan
Strong and stout, Cowboys usually play it safe with their first pick and pick a guy with a high ceiling.
- Buffalo Bills: Brian Branch, S, Alabama
Will play 85% of the snaps at slot cb. Bills have gone defense with first pick last 4 years but they need to stop the afc QBs so they make it 5
- Cincinnati Bengals: Jahmyr Gibbs, RB, Alabama
PPR monster incoming after mixon has one too many run ins with the law
- New Orleans Saints: Bryan Bresee, DL, Clemson
Frederick county represent - best football is ahead of him
- Philadelphia Eagles: Calijah Kancey, DL, Pitt
Perpetual D line picks for these guys. Fletcher Cox and Brandon Graham are collectively 86 years old.
- Kansas City Chiefs: Hendon Hooker, QB, Tenn
Vikings trade into pick 31 to take Hendon Hooker he is a spread offense guy and KoC runs the McVaybook in Minnesota. gives hooker a year to recover behind Kirk cousins
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